By: Dana
Summary: Estella and Diamond visit Merry and Pippin at Crickhollow.
Characters: Estella, Diamond, Merry, Pippin
Pairings: Gennish Merry/Pippin/Estella/Diamond
Rating: G
Warnings: Gennish, het, slash, femslash implications because of the series, angst
Author's Notes: Written for the two lines fanfiction challenge. Beta by Dreamflower.
Series Index: Roads Go On and Years Go By.
Disclaimer: The author makes no claim to owning the rights of anything to do with J.R.R. Tolkien or New Line Cinema. Any and all characters and situations that have been borrowed are for the author's personal use only, and for the entertainment of others.

when the door shuts, it's like another papercut
and now i'm stuck with a hand full of bandaids
- gym class heroes, papercut

SR 1421 - Winterfilth

For weeks now, Estella's found it difficult to sleep.

'You've worried too much on things beyond your reach,' her mother said. Estella wouldn't have thought so, but knew her mother quite likely was right – after all, she so often was.

Estella slipped away from Budgeford to leave those worries behind, and wasn't surprised that the road she took went north. Diamond told her things happen as they may; Estella told Diamond that she just couldn't sleep – for some strange reason, she found she feared her dreams.

Diamond said, 'It's always best to face your fears head on.'

'I thought you'd say that,' Estella said, laughing. In fact, she'd feared Diamond would.

The day after Estella's arrival, after late luncheon and before early tea, Diamond said, 'Tell me, Estella, what is it that you fear?'

Luncheon had been pleasant, and Estella had hoped they might speak on that – the seedcake, in particular, had been especially delightful. 'I can't rightly say,' Estella said, thinking back, thinking forward. 'It isn't anything that's happened. At least, not anything that's happened of late.'

She turned slightly, and Diamond had autumn light in her eyes, and westering autumn sunlight turned yellow hair red-gold. Diamond, with an air about her that belied the youth of her years, carried herself quietly. She waited for Estella to speak.

'I fear he might leave again,' Estella said, and found herself putting words to all her fear. 'That he might leave again, and Pippin, too – and that neither of them would find need to come back.'

She found herself hoping that Diamond might chide her for acting so foolish, for she was no child and should not cling so desperately to Merry as she did. But Diamond smiled, and Estella found it suddenly difficult to breathe. 'Then go to him,' Diamond said, with light in her voice.

Estella couldn't bare that response, but then she laughed. 'Only if you come with me,' she said.

Diamond smiled round her answer, and said that she would.

Diamond had never been invited to Crickhollow, though Estella on occasion had. 'It's a lovely little place,' she said, when they found themselves upon the road, and with Long Cleeve now miles at their back. For they had been in want of proper escort, as Diamond's mother and father had both insisted, Diamond's brother Berigrand had ridden out with them, though kept himself at a distance. He said, grinning, he wanted to give them time alone.

It wouldn't be the first time he followed Diamond away from Long Cleeve, nor the last he'd see of Buckland, Estella guessed. After all, he had his own reasons to go.

So they rode, Diamond questioning Estella, and Estella giving what answers she could. Given Merry and Pippin's state, and them both being lads, no matter their age, Diamond laughed and, now with a caretaker's air about her, said, 'It sounds like, for all it is a lovely little place, it might do well for having a lass or two about.'

She looked at Estella, and Estella at her – and she smiled, and nodded, and told Diamond that she was right.

They'd left early, and made it Nobottle by the first night – and the second night, they lingered at Hobbiton, making themselves comfortable at the inn – the third night had them at an inn again, this time at the Bridge Inn before the Brandywine Bridge. It was halfway through the fourth day before they made their way to Brandy Hall, and would have ridden that those last few miles to the Crickhollow house, now on their own, if not for the sudden rain.

Pippin and Merry both seemed happy to see them, no matter how unexpected their visit. 'Estella's been thinking about you both,' Diamond said, smiling broadly.

Estella blushed, and grinned – she had nothing to deny.

At Diamond's lead, she and Pippin left Merry and Estella alone to talk. 'She's worried about you both,' Diamond said, as they went away. That, too, Estella could not deny.

Now alone with Merry, Estella didn't know what to say. She was tired, and worn from their long ride – the autumn day had been cool and clear, the rain long gone. Perhaps it would have been better for the storm to linger, for that would only have extended their stay at Brandy Hall.

'How are you, Merry?' she asked him, and he smiled but said nothing – first, he saw that they both had something to drink. The room was close and warm, a fire sparking on the hearth, autumn light sliding in from the window at the far left of the room.

'I suppose I'm well enough,' he said, after he'd had his drink. 'Tell me, Stella, have Pip and I worried you so much? Surely you've better things to worry yourself other.' And though he smiled, there seemed to be some shadow in his eyes, and more effectively as if she'd physically been escorted outside the house, she felt as a door had been closed.

She folded her hands around her small glass, frowning in thought. Merry and she both stood, not speaking, and Estella wondered if there was anything left for them to say.

'It's become a habit,' she said, after thinking her response through. 'You were gone, and Fatty had some to say, but it never was enough. Then he sent me off to Long Cleeve, and I found myself worrying about you both.' She looked at her drink, the small glass cool against her hands – she took a drink, the brandy burning on her tongue and then down her throat. 'Then you came back, with Pippin and Frodo, and–'

Merry flinched, truly struck, colour gone from his cheeks, eyes wide and dark. 'Forgive me,' he said, turning and then coughing again his hand. 'Forgive me.'

'Goodness, Merry, there's nothing to forgive.' She put down her glass, then went to him, reached out – for a moment, she thought, he couldn't have possibly been real – but his arm was warm enough, beneath her hand, and solid, too. 'If it's Frodo... well, if it's Frodo, then is our cousin well?'

Merry's eyes seemed shadowed more deeply. Then he nodded, and spoke, his voice tight, controlled. 'He is, yes, I believe he is.'

'And that's for the best,' Estella went on. Merry nodded, sighed on a breath.

She didn't move her hand, and Merry didn't seem to want to make her move. They stood there, for a while longer, and Estella knew that something very clearly was wrong, but didn't know what to say.

'We'll need to go see him, together,' Estella said. She was surprised that Merry had no answer for that.

After that, they found Pippin and Diamond outside, enjoying the garden – autumn was in the air, but everything here at the house was good and green. 'A sunroom would be more useful,' Diamond said, smiling.

Pippin said, 'We'll get to that, one day.'

They all sat for a while, all four of them, Estella and Diamond speaking where Merry and Pippin fell silent. Diamond commented on the chrysanthemums and that drew Merry's attention – they rose, and wandered off. Estella looked after them, then laughed as her stomach rumbled. She looked at Pippin, who grinned as she blushed – then his stomach rumbled, and he laughed out loud. They rose, and then went back inside, taking the back door.

The kitchen grew quiet, both of them working – luncheon should be nice. Perhaps the food might given them something to talk on. Then she looked at Pippin, and Pippin's face, struck like Merry's had been, left her somewhat surprised.

'Pippin?'

'Frodo's gone,' he said, and held Estella's gaze.

Estella didn't know how to react, nor how to respond. For all her unease, and the impossibilities of sleep, it suddenly all made perfect sense.

Estella didn't say, 'Gone where?' Instead, she said, 'That's what Merry wouldn't tell me, then. I knew it had to be something important.'

Pippin smiled softly, though then that smile fell apart, as if his mouth could not bear supporting it. 'He's put up a good face, our Merry has – as if Frodo's only gone on a walking-trip, or on extended holiday to Longbottom – and not as if he's gone a sea away.'

'The sea?'

'The elves – ah, it all seems so complicated, and I haven't the right words. But Frodo has gone with the elves, and Bilbo, too – where he will be safe, and happy, and where his wounds will heal.'

His wounds – more than flesh and blood, and more than fading scar. Estella still didn't know what she should say. 'So he's well, then?' she asked, and thought of what Merry had said. 'Merry believes he's is.'

'It's what we both hope to believe,' Pippin said, in such a way that Estella did not doubt if he was completely sure. 'Now, enough of that – we've luncheon to finish, and four hungry hobbits to feed.'

Estella didn't want to leave it at that, for only just knowing. She felt very strange, as if she might weep. 'Pippin, I–' she began, but once more found words impossible. She couldn't see, for the darkness, nor could she bear the thought to speak. Pippin moved round the table, caught her in his arms – her head fell against his shoulder, and if she had lost herself thoroughly, she might have muffled her sobs against his vest.

But who would she have wept for, and what? Likely, all the long years that had led to this, and one long dark year in particular – and her tears would be for all of them, those still here, and Frodo, too, who was now gone.

She drew back, when she was able, eyes aching, throat tight – she likely would have felt better, for having let herself cry. Pippin's arms fell away, and Estella had to stand up on her toes to kiss him on the cheek. 'Thank you,' she said. Leaving it at that, they went back to preparing the luncheon.

Luncheon had intended on being a simple event, but had ended up including mushroom and cheese omelets and fresh bread, and pear crumble as afters – and after afters, Pippin suggested they sit out for a smoke. Merry, looking teary-eyed (but Estella decided that to be a trick of candlelight, and nothing more), suggested they take themselves to the parlour instead.

One of the windows had been left open, and the front parlour was chilly – Pippin went off to shut the offending thing, and Estella and Diamond sat together as Merry built up the fire. Estella folded her hands on her lap, watched Merry intently. When he turned, and stood, he noticed her staring – and he laughed, and looked down, as if to check himself over. 'Have I grown an extra head?'

Estella blinked, paused, then laughed. 'You have, yes, though not recently,' she said, and meant his extra height. And he smiled, though his smile still seemed sad – and Estella couldn't tell if there was anything, ever, that she could do about that.

When Pippin came back, the fire crackling cheerfully as he did, Diamond suggested that someone tell a story, and that someone seemed best suited to be Pippin. He told them of Minas Tirith, and the people there that he knew, and though Estella felt somehow distant, Diamond took instant liking to his words. 'One day,' she said, 'I hope to see it for myself.'

Estella recalled a different time when they had spoken of Merry and Pippin's distant City, and that day seems more distant now than ever before. They had all been different, then – perhaps Diamond most of all. But that's been years now, and they're all more different now than then.

It's Pippin who said, 'Do you still dream of it?'

Estella wondered what his dreams were like, these nights, and Merry's, too. Diamond shook her head, smiling. She took the tea cup Merry offered – Estella hadn't even seen him slip away.

'Thank you,' she said. Merry saw that Diamond had a cup as well. When Merry sat as well, after giving tea to Pippin, Pippin recalled his line of thought and went on, saying, 'Diamond – do you want to see it, truly?'

Diamond nodded. 'Oh, I do.'

Pippin smiled. Estella did, too, as Pippin told Diamond, 'Well, perhaps you will, one day.' Estella found it likely it would happen.

Then Estella looked at Merry, and lost herself in thought. She blew at the steam curling up from her tea, then frowned. She didn't know she had spoke until Merry answered her. 'I didn't know what to say. He can't be – oh. I still can't believe that he's gone.'

They were all quiet for a while, then Diamond cleared her throat, and said. 'You know, I can't say I know what's being discussed.'

'Not much right now,' Merry said. Estella looked from Diamond, then to Merry – and Merry seemed to fold in on himself, sitting on the floor beside Pippin, his gaze cast down, and Pippin's hand on Merry's arm. 'It's all very complicated. I don't know what to say.'

Diamond looked confused. Then she looked from Pippin, to Merry – and, as ever she did, seeing more than she ought, she said, 'Someone, whom you care for, greatly – that person is gone.'

Merry looked up. Diamond sipped at her tea, then put the cup away. Merry shook his head, and Diamond put her hand on Estella's arm. Then she stood, walked to Merry, and knelt down at his side. 'I'm sorry,' she said, and Merry turned to look at her, contemplating her peculiar behaviour. He shook his head.

'You've done nothing,' Merry said. Estella watched them, all three of them, all of them sitting on the floor. Diamond, looking her age for once, young but wisdom in her eyes – in a way, it made Estella see Pippin. He and Diamond were very much the same.

'Well, it needed to be said. Sometimes, it's for the best.' Then she put her hand on his, and leant forward – hesitated, for a moment – then kissed him on the cheek. 'If you're hurting, you ought to let it out. We're hobbits only – not smiles and cheer all the time.'

Merry said something beneath his breath, and then Diamond pressed his hand. 'Well, you needn't be in a hurry. When you're ready, though...' Then she kissed him, once more, with less hesitation as she had before.

She was smiling, though, afterwards, and she said, 'Ah, goodness, now, but that was quite improper.' Merry laughed and then Pippin laughed, too, and if there were tears in all their eyes, well, Estella didn't think that that could be helped.

Then Merry said, 'I'm sorry, Estella. I couldn't tell you. It was simply too much.'

It was Pippin who told them of his and Merry's wild ride after Frodo. 'He thought he might just slip away – I think he meant to leave us without telling. At least, that's how it seems.'

Estella didn't know what to say. They all looked young, too young, sitting on the floor. Diamond folded her arms on her knees.

'You haven't done anything you need to apologise for,' Estella said, and meant it. Then Merry looked at her, and his smile seemed real. 'Please, don't be sad.'

Then she stood, and went to him, and knelt before him, taking both of his hands, pressing a kiss to one of them. The fire continued crackling, and Estella looked for something to say – but nothing seemed right, nothing seemed big enough. Instead, she bent her forehead against Merry's hands. 'Merry, I...'

'I think, Estella means to say...' Diamond hesitated. Estella didn't look at her. 'If you plan on having us around, then you need ought be more honest with us. Do you understand?'

Merry looked at her, but it was Pippin who said, 'oh, then. Do you plan on being around?'

Diamond smiled, bold cheer. 'Oh, but I do.'

They all ended up laughing, hugging, together on the floor.

They talked much that day, into evening, and into the night: of what Frodo did, and why Frodo left, and why Merry knew that really was for the best, even with a broken heart.

'Hearts mend,' Diamond said. 'Though it takes time.'

They sat together on the floor for a long while, after that, talking about the people they had left, and those who had left them. Perhaps Merry felt better, at the end of it, having laughed more than he had cried.

When Estella took his hand, and told him that she'd not ever leave him, that seemed just right.

She slept better that night than she had in weeks.